Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Real Time Reporting from HMCCC's 19th Annual Alzheimer's Show

Man, I love the sound of a lopey cam in the morning! We are opening the gates at the MVA at 8:00 the morning of the Alzheimer’s Show. They’re already backed-up damn near to the Interstate. Our annual third-Sunday-in-September Show is a great way to kick-off Fall so you gotta understand their eagerness.

Five ’til 9 o’clock and EZ just made his first announcement over the PA system. An hour and five minutes until the show starts and the main lot is already more than three-quarters full. They’ve already registered nearly 200 cars!

It’s a perfect early Fall morning, brisk and clear as a bell, a slight breeze to push the sounds of the cacklefest toward downtown Frederick—a little free advertising. Maybe we’ll get the attention of some of the early Fair-goers. By 9:30 the main lot is full and they’re parking cars in the overflow lot, well over 200 cars registered by now!

I appreciate the variety—the mix of vehicles this show attracts—plenty of antiques, classics, hot rods and muscle cars to be sure. A lot of interesting late model cars and trucks, too. One of the categories I like (although there’s no actual category) is the truly unique vehicles: EZ’s 100% hand-built Heinz 57 roadster, Bob Clubb’s Model T Paddy Wagon, a Jeep CJ disguised as an Urban Assault Vehicle, the three-wheeled, motorcycle-powered Lomax. The essence of hot rodding is expressing your individuality and showing to the world!

After so many years of ho-hum cars it is good to see late models that spark some interest. One in particular, a Cadillac CTS-V, is probably a future icon the way the high performance muscle cars are today. Another late model I picked for my own OCD Award was the White with Orange stripes Camaro that carried the color scheme under the hood and to the monster 24 inch wheels—lots and lots of white and orange.

One of the highlights of the Alzheimer’s Show each year is the Auction; I’m sure a bunch of the folks that come out don’t care much at all for the cars, they want to BID! This year we added a big tent just for the Auction and, by 10 0’clock the hard-core bidders were setting-up their chairs. Listening to John Roop’s spiel wears me out, though.

Another highlight, at least for me, was the Rick De Bow show over by the Moon Bounce. The rapport he seems to have with the kids warms the cockles of my Loman and Barkley heart, we’re lucky to have him over there! Thank you for sparing those kids having to be tended by a curmudgeon like me.

I thought this might be the year I finally get a trophy but darned if Paul didn’t outbid me. He got to take home the trophy and neither one of us had a car in the show. This year’s Alzheimer’s Show is going to be hard to beat but we’ve got the 20th coming up!

The Roads Scholar

The sign above the highway is telling me: Report Suspicious Activity, 800-492-8477. I wonder what I should be watching-out for. Well, on one recent trip I saw a car in which the driver was wearing some kind of bulky head covering; that proved to be a false alarm, however, when the lady took the towel off her wet hair and began blow-drying it.

Another time I passed a woman who was applying her make-up as she drove. I didn’t think that needed to be reported, it’s certainly wasn’t unusual except, in this case, I had a suspicion that she was wasting her time, the make-up wasn’t going to do that much good.

The other evening I was passed by a whole group of motorcycles, the riders all tricked-out in their drugstore biker garb. Back in the day I could have reported a gang of outlaw bikers, probably armed and carrying illegal drugs. Today I suspect they’re carrying AARP membership cards and a weekend supply of Viagra.

After seeing that Report . . . sign again I finally put their number at #1 on my speed dial. My only concern is; if I get caught using my cell phone to report suspicious activity while driving will I get a ticket? I my call saves all from getting blown to smithereens will my fifteen minutes of fame (I will get that, right? If not, why bother making the call?) trump the calling-while-driving fine?

I’m so embarrassed! I just passed a truck full of fertilizer that I thought might have been hijacked (by whoever it is we’re afraid of) to be used as a bomb. I called “the number” and told the person who answered what I’d seen. The first question I was asked was how did I know the truck was carrying fertilizer? Duh, it was written right on the bags: C-O-W M-A-N-U-R-E! Then the person told me that that’s not the kind of fertilizer used to make bombs.

One of the most common suspicious activities I see on the highway is folks masquerading as clever with cute or witty vanity plates. I mean, how smart is it to admit you are 2DUM2NO? Or that you got the car 4BN EZ? Some vanity plates say so much more than just a handful of letters and numbers, like the defense attorney’s plate CRIMPAZ.

The plate CARGASM, on the other hand, raises more questions than it answers. For in-stance, is this something that’s happening to the car or the driver? If it’s the driver does it happen all the time or just after certain maneuvers? If it’s the car, how do we know it’s not just faking?

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Confessions of a Drugstore Car Guy

I recently joined my friend Paul on a road trip to deliver what some might charitably characterize as collectible automobiles. I wouldn’t be that generous. In fact, if we accomplished nothing else I believe we proved the old adage that one man’s treasure is another man’s trash.

The first leg of the trip, which we undertook after a leisurely breakfast to allow morning rush hour traffic to abate, was to deliver a 1938 Citroen to Falls Church, VA. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against Citroens per se. It’s just that I have some doubts that this particular car in anyway justified the effort that had been and would be expended in its behalf. Whatever; the trip to Falls Church was not as onerous as I had thought it might be. Of course, Paul was driving and TomTom was navigating, all I had to do was enjoy the ride. But Falls Church is inside the Beltway and, since retiring, I rigorously resist any foray inside.

We reached our destination in a safe and timely fashion but, upon arrival, found the driveway partially blocked (if it was an artery my Cardiologist would classify the obstruction as about 60%). Of course, given the nature of the receiving gentleman’s collection, the offending vehicles (a 1950 Citroen and a 1938 BMW or 1954 EMW??) were immobile. There was almost enough room between the cars, a ditch and the fence to finagle our cargo into the backyard.

What followed was four and a half hours of some of the finest Shade Tree Engineering in recent history. We not only got the non-rolling Citroen into the backyard with no significant additional damage, we got the subject of the second leg of our journey out of the collapsed shed it had been calling home, around the previously mentioned obstructions and onto Paul’s trailer. And didn’t put a scratch on it (not that you could tell). That diamond-in-the-rough is a 1950 Lancia Aurelia which the owner claims is the only hand-built, aluminum bodied example in the Western Hemisphere.

The Lancia’s destination was a high-end foreign car repair facility in the wilds of Loudoun County and we got it there with little or no drama. That wasn’t the case when the Horse’s Patootie who runs the place took exception to our treatment of what he apparently agreed was a “six figure” classic. He didn’t like the way the car had been tied down. I didn’t participate in the discussion between Paul and this Twit but the bottom line was he would not help unload the POJ. Or load the car we were supposed to pick-up there.

Well, gravity did lend us a hand getting the non-roller off the trailer and the by now familiar “drag it on with a rope” technique helped us load a second Lancia. This other Lancia is apparently not the “find” the first one was but it was closer to salvageable than the first (in my humble and untrained opinion). We were to deliver the second Lancia to Cumberland, MD but, by the time we got it loaded, it was too late to start that trip.

So, next morning, Paul and I headed out for Cumberland, made the trip in fine fashion and delivered the car to a very nice man who was a lot of help. He even lent us his son to navigate the canyons of downtown Cumberland. By then it was lunch time and I had a hankering for some chili dogs from Curtis Famous Weiners. I just didn’t know how to get there.

Rewind a bit. As we drove west thru Hagerstown we encountered the nearly 2000 motorcycles traveling east, from the Flight 93 Memorial in Shanksville, PA to the 9/11 Memorial at the Pentagon. The caravan of bikes & bikers stretched between exit 28 and milepost 20 (eight solid miles of rolling thunder)! Fortunately we and they were traveling in opposite directions.

Dead-heading (the trailer was empty) back from Cumberland, Paul agreed to pick-up some 16 footers at Home Depot and take them to my house. Boards that long are tough to haul in my truck with its 6 foot bed. He dropped me and my boards off and, I hope had a chance to unwind. The man is a paragon of patience and awash in the milk of human kindness; he was up at 4 the next morning to haul a ‘70 ‘Cuda for a guy that just had it shipped in from Hawaii.

Besides the essential truths that there’s no accounting for taste, and that one man’s treasure is another man’s trash, I learned several other valuable lessons on my road trip(s) with Paul. I learned that Car Guys (and all the folks I encountered on this trip were real Car Guys) are very diverse in their likes and interests. It’s not all Hot Rods, or Muscle Cars, or whatever. Some Car Guys even like rare and obscure Italian jobs whose beauty must lie in the eye of the beholder.

In the last few weeks I’ve seen several cars I thought I just had to have, and on reflection realized I don’t have to have. Thanks to my road trip with Paul I can scratch Lancia and Citroen off my wish list!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Confessions of a Drugstore Car Guy

The older I get the more change (not nickels, dimes & quarters) eats up my mental resources. I notice when things are different a lot more than I used to. I’ve noticed, for instance, that a bunch of different new cars look remarkably alike; these days you can spend Hyundai money to get a car that looks just like a BMW. But of course even Hyundai money today is more than house, car, and cabin by the lake money was when I was a kid!

“Change is such hard work.” Billy Crystal

“Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.” Robert C. Gallagher

“If you're in a bad situation, don't worry, it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry, it'll change.” John A. Simone, Sr.

“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction” Winston Churchill

One of the most noticeable things that has changed since I was a kid is how much more is involved in doing really simple things. Back in the day, at age 6 to 16, I ran out of the house in a pair of short pants, jumped on my bike, and pedaled at a break-neck pace to wherever. Street, sidewalk, neighbor’s yard, vacant lot, or city park; it was all the same. Pick-up a pack of cigarettes for Uncle Bob (if I had an Uncle Bob and he wanted me to get him some cigarettes) or get a soda at the Drug Store. Today, I’d have to put on a helmet, knee and elbow pads, stay on the bike path, wear a shirt and shoes if I wanted to go into the Drug Store, and have a valid I.D. to buy the cigarettes.

Really, the only part of that scenario that bothers me is the helmet; I didn’t need one when I crashed into the curb on Crawford Street (I’d have broken my arm anyway), my daughter didn’t need one the three or four times she got stitches in her face from crashing her trike, my brother Darrell didn’t need one when he dropped a cinder block on my other brother Darrell’s head (OK, I’ll admit other brother Darrell probably needed one). We were tough, healed quickly; casts and stitches were just part of growing up! Don’t get me started on child safety seats; we did just fine with mom or dad’s arm flung out to catch us as we sailed by.

That’s something else that’s changed; it’s damn near impossible to catch a flying kid during a panic stop when you’re talking on the cell phone, or texting, and sucking on a latté. That reminds me; what are people talking about during their incessant cell phone calls and constant texting? I suppose I wouldn’t have to ask if I was thirty years younger (or had someone to talk to). Speaking of latté, I almost burst into tears the other day; on TV I saw someone drinking a Barq’s grape soda out of a bottle. Do you realize those big old glass bottles only held about half what one of the plastic bottles do today (and cost a tenth as much!).

When I was young I believed everything that was new to me was new. I remember thinking the first time I had a Frito that it was a great new product. That would have been in the fifties and Fritos had been around since the thirties, just not around me. I hear young, and not so young, people talking about things like they were just out of the box, off the boat, whatever. A good rule I’ve learned is to treat everything like you’ve known all about it forever; never let on that you’re experiencing something new (an updated version of the “never let ‘em see you sweat” rule).

According to THE DECADES PROJECT, by 1956, there were 13 million teenagers in the country (that’s us Baby Boomers); a new generation breaking away from their parents and defining itself in new ways. They were more self-sufficient than their parents, did not remember the Depression or WWII, and had no inclination to save money. As the new middle class emerged in America it created a whole new group of consumers: the young. The teens had an average weekly income of $10.55, about the same as a whole family’s disposable income 15 years before. Their purchases leaned towards the music-related industry, anything from records to radios. These teenagers affected the nation as well? They were the beginning of the youth culture, the first young people to really have an impact on the nation as a whole.

I’m pretty sure THE DECADES PROJECT is part of that whole “younger generation trying to blame everything on us” conspiracy. But heck, even if it is all our fault, we gave them cell phones, I-pods, and Starbucks. Nobody’s ever satisfied, and that’s not changed!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Front Suspension Options




















Confessions of a Drugstore Car Guy

My “Drugstore” Car Guy identity is based on some fundamental flaws in my personality. In the first place, I’ll never be a real Car Guy because, when faced with a mechanical issue, I do not flop on the ground, roll under the car and start fixin’ stuff. I also don’t get demonstrably enthusiastic when encountering automotive awesomeness. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but some in our car community get positively giddy around what they consider cool car stuff!

I was watching and, unfortunately, listening, to car TV recently and I have to say I was embarrassed for the dudes that are picked to be talking heads. Is there some condition of employment that requires these twits to . . . ? They seem compelled to effusive over-reaction; nothing they see or hear can be described as anything less than superlative. I mean, really, it’s just not possible for everything to be the most awesomest!

I’d hate to be thought of as an old poop but I have a hard time in describing anything as the greatest. Hell, I haven’t seen everything yet so how can I pick what’s even in the top 10? Besides, as soon as something gets tagged as the best, all the rest start lining-up to take it down a notch. In almost every category “the Best” get a lot less than 15 minutes! But, that’s just me.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you about the recent Golden Gears show at Harry Grove Stadium. You know; it is all about Community. That’s when people who share a common interest get together to enjoy that while temporarily setting aside whatever differences they might have. I saw a lot of that going on at Home Run car Show and it warmed the cockles of my Loman & Barkley heart.

I also saw our very own Eddie Z show up early with a really big car trailer. I mean, he wasn’t bringing just the Trailer Queen, he had her whole Court! Actually he was toting his latest acquisition and it proved to be quite an attention-getter. In keeping with my previously stated policy of understatement let’s just say it’s pretty neat and definitely unique.

In any case, kudos to the Golden Gears guys and gals; they put on quite a show and everybody seemed to be having a good time. I didn’t even notice anyone laughing at me or getting impatient as I tried to maneuver Paul’s ’55 out of the spot where I’d parked it. The cars, the crowd and the vendors provided a very eclectic mix for everyone’s Car Show pleasure. Thanks Double G!

Telemetry in the 21st Century:

I grew up during the Space Race and remember being amazed at Houston’s ability to monitor goings-on in space. According to the Internet, specifically http://www.thefreedictionary.com/telemetry :

te•lem•e•try (t-lm-tr) n. 1. The science and technology of automatic measurement and transmission of data by wire, radio, or other means from remote sources, as from space vehicles, to receiving stations for recording and analysis. 2. The measurement of data at a remote source and transmission of the data (typically by radio) to a monitoring station. Telemetry is used, for example, to track the movements of wild animals that have been tagged with radio transmitters, and to transmit meteorological data from weather balloons to weather stations.

In those days I never imagined that one day we’d all carry equipment to achieve the same kind of monitorization both in our cars and, even, on our very persons! What with cell phones and GPS, Sync and On Star, digital cable and satellite TV, the Internet and who knows what else, we can keep an eye on others (and have one kept on us) at all times and everyplace. Maybe someone, somewhere was being entertained by my parking lot antics.

Confessions of a Drugstore Car Guy

I went to Carlisle the other day, to the Import & Kit Car event, and got a chance to have a chat with honest-to-goodness Car Guy Icon Bruce Meyers. I went to see the latest in Dune Buggies and met the guy who invented them! How neat is that! Although Dune Buggies today occupy a pretty small niche in the specialty car world, once-upon-a-time they were the “coolest and cutest” way to have fun on four wheels.

According to the official history of the Manx, as Meyers called his Dune Buggy, “Bruce took it upon himself to design a lightweight version that would be fun on the beach or in the wilds of Baja...Bruce redesigned the body to fit on a shortened VW floorpan, which ultimately reduced the price as well. As a result, the Meyers Manx took off. It took the country by storm when magazines like Hot Rod and Car & Driver featured the fiberglass car on their covers. This caused a rash of over 300 orders. Not able to immediately fill these orders, other manufacturers sprang up overnight and ended up producing over 250,000 look-a-likes and near look-a-likes. Eventually over 300 companies, worldwide, copied the Manx in one form or another – even the copiers copied each other.”  For more Manx history, see: http://www.manxclub.com/history.htm.

Wikipedia says: The Meyers Manx dune buggy was designed by Californian engineer, artist, boat builder and surfer Bruce Meyers. It was produced by his company between 1964 and 1971. The car featured a fiberglass bodyshell coupled with the Volkswagen Beetle frame and engine. It is a small car, with a wheelbase 14 1/4 inches (36.2 cm) shorter than a Beetle for lightness and better maneuverability. For this reason, the car is capable of very quick acceleration and good off-road performance. The Meyers Manx received widespread recognition when it won the inaugural Mexican 1000 race, the predecessor of the Baja 1000 beating motorcycles, cars and trucks in the process.
Manx-type cars have appeared in several movies, including Elvis Presley films and the 1968 The Thomas Crown Affair, which contains a lengthy beach-driving scene where a heavily modified Meyers Manx equipped with a Chevrolet Corvair flat-six engine is launched over several dunes.

Approximately 6,000 of the original Meyers Manx dune buggies were produced, but when the design became popular many copies (estimated at a quarter of a million worldwide) were made by other companies. Although already patented, Meyers lost in court to the copiers, the judge rescinding his patent as unpatentable opening the floodgates to the Industry Meyers started. Since then countless buggies continue to be produced today.

The thing that attracted, still attracts, me to Dune Buggies is their simplicity and how well they do what they do. Basically, a Dune Buggy is a vaguely car-looking fiberglass tub sitting on a VW chassis. While they have everything needed to go just about anywhere, they’re usually pretty short on extraneous stuff like windows and doors. While Meyers used them in desert racing, cross-country marathons like the Baja 1000, in their heyday they battled “Woodies” for the surfing crowds’ ride of choice.

I used to drive Volkswagens and have always appreciated their utility and toughness. My last VW, a 1970 Beetle I traded Elayne’s ’69 Camaro for, led a double life. It was both the family grocery-getter and my off-roader. With a little luck, some bun-clenching and breath-holding, that V-dub would (and did) go darn near anywhere! In the days before SUVs and nearly universal 4-wheel or All-wheel drive, the rear-engined VW had relatively high ground clearance and a smooth, flat bottom. It’s is that simple utilitarian toughness that works so well as the basis for the Dune Buggy.

The latest in Manx-style dune buggies are quite a bit fancier, though not necessarily more complex, than their Sixties counterparts. Meyers Manx still offers Dune Buggy kits with five or six models available. For enough money they can even be purchased “turn-key.” There are several other choices out there, too. Check out:
www.banditbuggy.com, www.kitcar.com/York/home.html, www.texasbuggys.com, and
www.funbodies.com

I’m just saying; here’s an option for a Car Guy who’d like the wind-in-his-face opportunity offered by a traditional open Hot Rod without a lot of the complexity. I think they’re neat!